5 reasons why I travel

1:To feel anonymous

There’s something incredibly freeing about being in a place where you know absolutely no one, especially when you first move to a new city. The streets are yours and you can be whoever you want to be. That’s cheesy as fuck, but it’s completely true. Your mistakes are behind you, your insecurities can be dead if you want them to be, and you have a world of opportunities for growth, change and movement at your toes. 

2: To hike  

Hills and mountains and forests and water understand me better than I understand myself. Okay, okay, I know I’m being dramatic. But really, hiking is the one activity that always gives me the space to do the deep thinking I need to heal old wounds and rediscover myself. As a kid, walking into the woods playing pretend with my family and friends always brought me so much joy. So, it makes sense that I feel most full when I do so as an adult. I smile with my whole body when I’m hiking – happiness radiates from my eyeballs to my ankles, and that’s pretty special. 

3: To challenge my expectations

I can’t tell you how many times my expectations of places have been absolutely shattered after visiting. Krakow, Poland, blew my mind. People are incredibly kind, it’s lively, and it’s surrounded by nature that’s easily accessible. London, England, beat my patience out of me all three times I visited, though I expected to fall head over heels for its hustle and bustle. While everyone told me that I’d love Berlin, Dresden was the German city that really captivated me. And then of course there’s L.A., a place I was told was full of dirt, grime, and all manner of atrociousness. In the end, it stole my heart. Travelling has taught me to enter into new experiences with a clear mind and to erase all preconceived notions of what things might be and should be. 

4: To meet new people

The lessons I’ve learned from travelling over the last few years have almost all come from the people I’ve met. During this whole quarantine situation, I’m valuing the many people I’ve met during my travels more than ever. Different cultures have different opinions and mindsets than your own, and until you meet someone who comes from somewhere else, you’re ignorant to so much. If you know me, you know how damned chatty I am. It does a girl good while she’s on the move. From entrepreneurs to hitchhikers to musicians to artists, I’ve spoken to so many people of so many ages from so many places, and it’s really impacted how I interact with the world around me and formed my opinions on so many things.

5: To meet more of myself

Tori Dudys: she’s probably one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. She’s empathetic, compassionate, smart, ambitious, vocal, opinionated, fierce, a bit lazy at times, creative, inventive, strong, scared a lot, often confused, rough around the edges, and forever fascinated by new things. 

It’s okay to love yourself and accept your flaws, and the best way to discover what these are is to move forward – and sometimes backward if you must. I think maintaining a state of growth is all we can do to soak up as much as we can from this world. Before I started travelling, I was lost. I had no sense of who I was or what I wanted from life. I was depressed and constantly felt stuck. I was lucky enough to have the support I needed to push myself forward into new worlds, and I’m incredibly grateful for these opportunities. They’ve brought me back to myself, and ultimately saved my life.

Now, when I travel, I always meet new sides of myself. Whether it’s discovering a new passion or realizing I’m more resourceful than I give myself credit for, I’m always surprised to find new facets of my personality and soul. 

When I’ll get to travel again is uncertain but reflecting on past trips makes it easier to visualize things to come. I WILL finish those hikes I’ve planned. I WILL encounter new people. I WILL find more of myself. But until then, maybe there’s something in learning to stand still for a while. Being in one place for a long time makes me uncomfortable, and I’ve always found our most significant growth comes from a place of complete discomfort.  

Alone in the airport

Day 1: Edinburgh – Krakow

I’m sitting at Gate 23 in Edinburgh Airport. It smells like French fries and ketchup and around me I can hear the buzzing of foreign languages (Polish for one) and the howling of the bathroom hand dryer. My flight to Krakow has been delayed by an hour. Classic. I’ve not experienced one single trip in the past two years that didn’t contain at least one delay or missed connection.

That’s alright though. Generally speaking it’s these delays that have forced my usual impatient and neurotic self to become a relatively zen and chilled out chick. It’s also often these wee bumps in the travel road that force my hand in some kind of creative or productive way, be that writing, drawing, or reading—I always make the most of my time in airports and bus stations.

This is it, I keep telling myself. I’m considering this adventure one more challenge on the long, never-ending road of Dudys self-discovery. I’ve lived on a different continent than home for two years now and still have yet to do any extensive solo travel. So this is it, my time to nut up or shut up.

Two years ago, three weeks of backpacking would have been a pipe dream, or really a pipe nightmare. The idea of going anywhere outside of my local spots on my own was not just unsettling, but out of the picture entirely. I think I’ve always pretended to be some tough, independent, bad ass bitch on the outside, but on the inside I couldn’t sit for longer than an hour on my own without feeling pathetic, lonely, and incredibly depressed.

I thought when I moved into a one bedroom apartment that I was proving I was independent and could take care of myself. Although looking back now I always had people over: a best friend, a boyfriend, an acquaintance, or anyone else who could keep me from noticing how disgustingly and pathetically lonely I constantly felt. I was in no way happy with what I was doing, where I was, and ultimately who I was. If I hated who I was so bad, how could I ever like being alone with not but me as company?

Not anymore. My two years away have instilled in me a desire to live and a love for myself I’ve never before experienced. I’ve pushed myself to and right fuckin’ past almost all my previously perceived limits and now thinking about it, I’ve only got a thirst for more: more sights, more colours, more culture, more lessons (hard ones and easy ones), and more love.

Sitting here, waiting for Ryanair flight FR6624 to Krakow, I’m reminded why pushing myself past my comfort levels is so important. It keeps me inspired. This is the first time in about three months that I’ve written anything. And my fingers are itching to write more.

Throughout the next three weeks, maybe good shit will happen, maybe bad shit will happen, but hopefully I’ll continue to be this excited to write it all down, share my story, and blog the way only an incredibly lucky and privileged, travelling,  naïve, twenty-something can.