Reflection

Do you ever get that sting? That one, deep at the back of your throat? The one that aches for what once was? The one that burns to remind you of the happiness you had at your feet, at your front door. It came and went far too quick. And even though you drank it in at the time, you didn’t take it for granted, you lived every moment of that happiness to its fullest – you still look back and long for it. No matter how many mountains you climbed, how many oceans you swam in naked, how many friends you made, how many people you fell in love with, how many moments you lived, really lived, no matter how many streets you discovered, how many opportunities you took, how many new things you tried, it was never enough to satiate you forever.

“Forget where you’ve been. It’ll never be that good again and we must only look ahead.” – Welcome, Hey Rosetta!

I know this sting will dissipate. I know I’ll be free of the sharp stab of joyful memories that are so far gone, I sometimes can’t believe the specificity with which I remember them. But for now, I’m relishing the fierce burn the memories have left me with, for the sting is a connection to the past I so desperately want to experience again. I know it’ll never be the same if I went back now. But that’s the thing, I want to re-experience these memories, with a new perspective on life and through eyes that have seen more pain, more hardship, more struggle. I want to know what it would be like to experience my past as I am now.

But I can’t. And I won’t. And I’ll accept that soon…I will.

One thought on “Reflection

  1. Mel Lyon

    Oh, the burn of nostalgia! I feel you. But how lucky are we to have these memories, to have enjoyed those moments? Even ones as simple as dancing around Lush while being so silly we make each other laugh until we cry. (while also being very professional sales ladies 😉
    I have a particular fondness for London, Ontario and UWO. I went back 10 years after finishing my undergrad there and it was SO different. People weren’t there, venues had shut their doors, campus got a face lift.
    And I still catch myself reminiscing. But less with the pangs of “I want to go back” and more with the feels of “those were good times.”
    New adventures await!! But seriously, fuck the pandemic.

    Like

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